Diary of a 360 Widow

Episode2 – Game Break Etiquette.

Hello again members of BKB and those of you who have stumbled across this site and are confused enough to be reading this in the hopes of discovering what this site is about. This month’s ponderings are on those moments where you have to put down your controller and irritate the hell out of the rest of your team.

Now the way I see it there are very few reasons why a hardcore gamer would leave his chair once he’s met up with his virtual companions. Now in our house things like Baby Teeps sticking lego up her nose/being sick/ smearing shit all over her room are dealt with swiftly and where possible by a singular parent (not always me) but not everyone in BKB shares our domestic set up (although there has been lodger talk) so this blog will concentrate on the 3 main reasons for game desertion.

Tea Breaks – Now certain members of BKB have more tea brakes than others and some have people who make them a brew which then goes cold while they sit blowing the faces off their rivals and occasionally their team mates. It is considered polite to inform your team that you will not be in front of the tv for a short period of time. This should be while you are waiting in a lobby rather than in the middle of a match. You should take your headset with you and offer to brew up for everyone. DO NOT under any circumstances try to drink any hot substance whilst playing a match as no good can come from it.

Comfort Breaks – It is important that you judge your timing right. There is nothing more unattractive than a man sat in his own piss. Also, if you know you need a shit and you’re the kinda guy who takes a 360 magazine to the toilet (Teeps) then inform your team and sit the next round or two out.

Spousal Abuse – Sometimes your life partner will wait until you have lined up an amazing head shot to begin an argument. This may or may not be purely to irritate the hell out of you but the situation needs to be dealt with before it gets out of hand and she/he costs you a whole night/week of gaming. For these instances it is not good idea to say into your headset ‘Hang on boys the missus is being a twat.’ As this may lead to you console flying out of a window. Instead your team should have a code phrase such as ‘I’m off before the Yanks take over.’ That way you team knows you may not be back for a while.

So the basic gist of my pondering is if you are going to disappear off for any reason TELL SOMEONE! That way your team mates aren’t left thinking you are dead/bumming sheep/shaving your legs.

Until next time.

Love and biscuits.

Mrs Teeps.

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Diary of a 360 Widow

Episode 1 - The Teachings According to 360

Hi, I’m Emma (aka Mrs Teeps) and I am an Xbox 360 widow. Since that little black box (i own an elite - Tps) entered my house I have learned several things and Teeps thought I should share them with you and so every month or so I will chose a topic and give you my thoughts. Feel free to suggest topics for me to cover, I will happily talk about Americans and why they are lovely people really, small children and the X-Box or even the fact that Westy looks a lot like Penfold. So sit back and enjoy, or scroll past this whole bit because seriously what could a girl say about XBox that could be useful?


So apart from learning my husband is a really bad loser and unbelievably competitive what has the X-Box ever done for me? Well apart from the late night occasions where I’m woken by cries of ‘FUCK!! FUCK!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WESTY?’ and the constant feeing that I’m listening into somebody elses phone conversation I have learned several things since that little black box entered my house.

The first is that it doesn’t matter that our TV has a split screen mode which would allow me to watch CSI whilst Teeps plays, it would be stupid and inconsiderate for me to ask my game addict husband to sacrifice even the smallest amount of the 32” inch screen. This means I have to REALLY want to watch something and has resulted in me NOT watching Big Brother, X factor, I’m a Celebrity or any other reality TV which possibly won’t be repeated should I miss an episode. So the Xbox has cured me of reality TV.

The second thing I have learnt since the 360 appeared under our telly is that Microsoft are clever bastards. Not only do they come up with games people feel or think they want but Xbox live means that if you want to socialise with your virtual mates then you not only WANT to buy the latest games but you HAVE to buy them or risk being a social pariah.

I have also learned NEVER TALK TO SOMEONE WEARING A HEADSET! The reason is simply because he’s not listening. He is either concentrating on killing people, coming up with some witty insult like "i'd rather eat my own face than play with you again" or is more interested in what his team is up to.

Lastly for this blog I have learned that my husband tells stupid lies like ‘I live in Texas’ and he can’t do any accent other than a Bolton one. In fact I don’t like him very much when he plays. He’s a bad bad man. (she doesn't mean that...she loves me...loves me lots! - tps)

These are all observations from watching my other half over the top of my ds. In my next offering I will be writing about tea-break and toilet etiquette as observed by the non-gamer.

Love and cuddles

Mrs Teeps
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